B. T. Blackwell, “Algernon”
I have the perfect poem for the Grand Jury that refused to indict Ferguson police officer Darren Wilson last week. And for the jury that refused to convict George Zimmerman for killing Trayvon Martin. And for the Ohio Grand Jury that, this past September, refused to indict the officer who killed a man in a Walmart who had picked up an air rifle and was absent-mindedly swinging it around as he talked to his family on his cell phone.
The poem appears in Hilaire Bellock’s Cautionary Tales for Children, a 1907 spoof on the heavy-handed didactic literature of the 19th century. The most spectacularly awful of such books was the 1845 Der Struwwelpeter, which has one poem in particular that haunted me as a child. In it, a man with scissors for hands cuts off the thumbs of a boy who refuses to stop sucking them. In those days, parents apparently could only hope to change child behavior if they threatened drastic enough consequences.
Belloc’s poems are hilarious parodies, as one can tell from reading some of the titles:
–Jim: Who ran away from his Nurse, and was eaten by a Lion.
–Henry King: Who chewed bits of string, and was early cut off in Dreadful agonies.
–Matilda: Who told Lies, and was Burned to Death.
–Rebecca: Who Slammed Doors For Fun And Perished Miserably.
Given how dreadful Belloc’s punishments generally are for misbehavior, the one meted out for trying to shoot one’s sister provides a notable contrast. No doubt the father in this case served on one of the recent juries. Or maybe he’s an executive officer in the National Rifle Association:
Algernon,
Who played with a Loaded Gun, and, on missing his Sister was reprimanded by his Father.
Young Algernon, the Doctor’s Son,
Was
playing with a Loaded Gun.
He pointed it towards his sister,
Aimed very carefully, but
Missed her!
His Father, who was standing near,
The Loud Explosion chanced to Hear,
And reprimanded Algernon
For playing with a Loaded Gun.
There’s one significant difference between Algernon and the various shooters, however. At least Algernon got reprimanded.
Now, if Algernon had been black, the police could have shot him, as Cleveland police shot 12-year-old Tamir Rice five days ago for carrying “an toy airsoft gun that shoots non-lethal plastic pellets.”
Moral: Don’t be a young black man–or boy–in America.
