Friday
I view the years between 1995 and 2000 as some Brits view the Edwardian golden age, which is to say, a period of idyllic quiet before all hell breaks loose and the world is inalterably changed. For them, the golden era was the period ranging from the death of Victoria in 1901 to the outbreak of World War I. In our case, it was the return from Slovenia in the fall of 1995 to the death of Justin on April 30, 2000.
If the age seemed golden for the Brits, it was partly out of nostalgia for pre-war England. But it’s also true that 1901-1914 was a rich period for literature, including many of the children’s classics I grew up with and loved. These included J.M. Barrie’s Peter Pan, Arthur Conan Doyle’s Lost World and many of his Sherlock Holmes stories, Kenneth Grahame’s Wind in the Willows, Rudyard Kipling’s Just So Stories (The Jungle Books were published in the previous decade), E. Nesbit’s Bastable Books and The Railway Children, Beatrix Potter’s animal books (beginning with Peter Rabbit), George Bernard Shaw’s Androcles and the Lion and Pygmalion), and P.G. Wodehouse’s Wooster and Jeeves. So the time was indeed golden.
For me, the final decade of the 20th century was also idyllic in fact, not just in retrospect, because I loved being the father of three teenage boys. All three were excellent athletes (Justin and Darien in soccer and baseball, Toby in soccer and lacrosse) so we were constantly attending sporting events where our boys shone. But I loved even more seeing them exploring ideas and stepping into their identities. We could talk about ideas at a whole new level.
I also got to see Justin and Darien star in Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (Justin as the tuxedoed narrator who holds the show together, Darien as Charlie Bucket) and Toby captivate his school with a very entertaining feature film
The years were not without drama. Julia had been forced to drop out of her PhD program—she took on an overly ambitious dissertation topic—and then found that returning to public school teaching did not work out. The result was a sudden drop in income, which forced us to pull Justin out of Grinnell to attend St. Mary’s instead. It so happened that all three of our kids went to the college where I was teaching, and I was reassured that their education didn’t appear to suffer from their not having attended more nationally known schools. Still, it was a disappointment for Justin, and I was haunted for years that he might still be alive if he hadn’t returned to Maryland.
I realize I haven’t talked much about “my life in literature” in this post so I’ll mention one thing. In last Friday’s post I mentioned the epiphany I experienced about my new writing project, but I had a stumble before I got there. Returning from Slovenia, I tried out a very utilitarian approach to literature with a Senior Seminar class, directly asking them how literature could change their lives. It proved a failure as I received the lowest course evaluations in my life—2’s instead of my normal 4’s and 5’s—and my performance meant that my application for full professor was turned down, despite success in other classes, a series of significant publications, and non-stop service to the college. It was painful but ultimately instructive.
What I learned was that, when literature is subordinated to an agenda—even when the agenda is the students’ lives—something precious is lost. There has to be a side of literature that seems agenda-free, where delight rather than utility is the major focus. Or rather, there has to be a balance, as the Roman poet Horace, Sir Philip Sidney, and countless other thinkers have contended over the ages. A work that doesn’t instruct can seem frivolous but a work that does can appear tiresome and dull (“good for you”). I got the balance wrong in that class but came up with the necessary correction in subsequent classes.
And so we come to the terrible moment that I have written about in my book and in numerous blog posts. Before I leave this idyllic period, however, allow me to situate each of our family. Justin, who is 6’3” with a beautiful shock of blond hair, is a junior majoring in religious studies. He’s going through a fundamentalist phase—I know it would have just been a phase because he had too generous a spirit to stay judgmental for long but judgmental he certainly was at that time—and also singing in a mostly Black gospel choir and playing on the baseball team. Darien, meanwhile, has decided to skip his senior year of high school and has thrown himself into the St. Mary’s theater program. His advisor is Michael Ellis-Tolaydo, who when not at St. Mary’s is acting regularly in Washington, D.C. theater and knows how to get the best out of his students. Darien has also made the St. Mary’s soccer team.
Toby, meanwhile, is at the core of a remarkable group of high school boys. While not the straight A student his brothers have been—when he wants to be he can be stellar, as he is in English—but he doesn’t feel the need to excel in everything. He has a sense of humor that everyone who knows him falls in love with. (This continues to be true today, and as Tobias Wilson-Bates @phdhurtbrain on Bluesky he has a large following of people who appreciate his wit.) Having two older brothers who tended to suck up all the oxygen in the room, he has found his own identity.
Julia, meanwhile, has found a new job running a local community organization, while I have forward momentum on my book and am team-teaching a fascinating course on “Madness and Literature.”
All seems well. Until it isn’t.
Past Installments of A Life Lived in Literature
A Life Lived in Literature: How It All Began (Sept. 5, 2025)
Early Reading Memories (Sept. 12, 2025)
Childhood Confusion: Reading to the Rescue (Sept. 19, 2025)
Confronting Segregation (Sept. 26, 2025)
School Reading vs. Real Reading (Oct. 10, 2025)
Childhood in Paris (Oct. 17, 2025)
My Time at Sewanee Military Academy (Oct. 24, 2025)
Existentialism for High School Seniors (Oct. 31, 2025)
Why I Majored in History, Not English (Nov. 7, 2025)
My College Search for Authenticity (Nov. 14, 2025)
On D. H. Lawrence and a Sexual Awakening (Nov. 21, 2025)
My Life as a Bildungsroman (Nov. 28, 2025)
Grad School: Literary Baptism by Fire (Dec. 5, 2025)
Early Scenes from a Marriage (Dec. 12, 2025)
Bringing Up Baby in Grad School (Dec. 19, 2025)
Grappling with Racism (Jan. 2, 2026)
Journal of a Young Teacher (Jan. 16, 2026)
Teaching and Reading in Yugoslavia (Jan. 23, 2026)
Life at 40: Barely Controlled Chaos (Jan 30, 2026)
From Secular Humanist to Christian Believer (Feb. 6 2025)
Looking Back at a Lifetime Together (Feb. 13, 2026)
To Ljubljana with Love (Feb. 20, 2026)
Forging a Separate Identity from My Father (Feb. 27, 2026)
“Better Living” Emerged from a Midnight Epiphany (March 6, 2026)
The Golden Years before Tragedy Struck (March 13, 2026)










